Carers World

I have been trying to work out what it is that causes me such low moods so frequently.

There are of course many elements to the reasons behind it but I think, for today anyway, that loneliness is the reason.

When my wife is ill, whether she is mildly or more acutely unwell, I am on my own.

It is more than being alone though it is being separated from the love of my life. It is being torn away at a time when I am needing her support most, because of my caring role, even though that caring is for her.

Unfortunately, this loneliness, like her illness, is most of the time these days.

Now, hopefully, I have this insight, maybe I can find a way to deal with it more effectively.

We shall see.

I havent been able to blog anything for a couple of days because for some reason Mozilla and IE wouldnt let me use them.

How frustrating and yet.... not an ounce of stress from yours truly.

Why is this? I hear you ask. Because of the hospital the other day I have to try and 'encourage' missus to take some medicine recommended by the hospital. We are also getting close to Christmas and I want to try and enjoy it and not go into it stressed and fed up and wishing it all over - it is a losing battle but I will try

As you know I love grandchildren and one reason I was so 'happy' to move closer to them last summer was because I could see them open their pressies on Christmas Day! WRONG!!!!!!

Missus doesnt want to watch them open their pressies in case she has bought them a load of shit and their faces show it. FFS!! You know the answers, I know the answers - lets not go there!!!!

Had to phone up one daughter and ask her to buy her 'partner' a pressie from us we hadnt met him and hadnt decided whether to like him or not. But he is ok so he can have one.

Found out that other daughter had not delievered the pressies I gave her for the whole family down in Devon a month or so ago. What is she up to? mmmmm

She also phoned me to say thanks for the really crappy Christmas card and the letter from missus which told why she hated them all.

Now I have to smooth that over.

What is missus playing at? You wanna know? Ok here it is: it is part of the syndrome she suffers from - she has to be the centre of my life (now I can understand that being the wonderful stud that I am ) and doesnt like the competition from others. She is also hurting very badly from the way we were treated when we lived down there. I dont blame her for being angry - I just wish she would tell me and not them.

What presents has she sent down to them? I dread to think!!

Enough rantings for now - thank you Bellydancer for your card

bye for now

Was there 4 hours and 20 minutes which cost me £5 car park

missus was admitted with some problem with her kidneys. She had been in absolute agony since 2pm. Couldnt get an appointment at drs until today (too late now ) - so at 6pm called NHS direct who eventually (after 2 hours faffing about) suggested I take her to hospital cos of the degree of pain she was in.

Dr couldnt give me any idea what the problem was despite the exhaustive tests he carried

So I have to phone at 10 tomorrow for an update Oh well lad di dah and all that tosh

cya in the morning

our plans for Christmas.

We are going round there for Christmas dinner and to watch kids doing their pressie opening. Thats the best bit of Christmas - watching kids opening pressies

I tried to explain to daughter we cant make firm plans until missus wakes up on Christmas morning and we see how she is (where she is and what planet ).

She got a little frustrated - "Well that doesnt help me plan dinner".

Now she got a taste of my life

Bye for now

There are 6 million carers (other than me) in this country. We must all know someone I am sure. Drop them a christmas card telling them you appreciate their faithfulness and loyalty this christmas and wishing them as happy a time as circumstances will allow
Thank you.

a year. Thats how much it is estimated carers save the NHS.

That is more than the whole of the NHS budget.

How much would it cost the government to give carers £150 week to make them feel valued and to give them some dignity?

The reason this is an issue with me at the moment is because I have been offered a respite carer for 3 days paid for by social services.

That's great. The only problem is, I have to pay for my own break. On £45 a week? yea right.

I have politely declined their offer.

The good news is that apparently a refusal means the authorities have to report why it was refused. I certainly let them know.

It was explained to me that the disabled ALWAYS get made the offer, never the carer!

Ho hum.

I will take advantage of every opportunity to embarrass them and try to help bring about change

Saves me getting too bored i spose

is to be appointed England manager and will earn £4 million a year and even has 3 fulltime supporting aides joining him.

I earn £2,400 a year and has no full or part time support.

I cook, clean, chauffeur, escort, housekeeper, nurse, shop, handyman, life-saver, etc etc etc etc..

Fabio does...... ?

I cant resign or get sacked.

If Fabio resigns or gets the sack he gets remaining payments due on contract.

Who is an idiot?

Not really though I get something from my work he never can - dignity, pride and points in the Big Guys book in heaven

my counselling has ended!

If you recall it was supposed to be helping me, a support, deal with the stresses, strains, frustrations etc connected with being a full time carer.

Erm, 6 weeks?

Caring is a lifetime task (in my circumstances)!

Well, that is my portion of the NHS budget used up.

So when you hear that the government has poured money into support for carers - it consists of 6 weeks counselling which we must make last a lifetime.

When I call now to make an appointment for the missus I am asked "Do you want to see a doctor or a clinician?"

Erm, I am not a doctor or a clinician, how do I know what I want?

Thats YOUR responsibility dont try to pass the buck to me!!

wonder why I allow my life to be so dominated by my wife's illness.

Well, two reasons are:
legal responsibility

having seen so many cases over the years where mothers (and fathers) are prosecuted for negligence towards children, doctors/nurses towards patients, etc etc, I do wonder what would happen if my wife died from one of her 'seizures' whether I would be prosecuted. If my wife committed suicide could the police interpret circumstances as me 'assisting her'?
There are so many concerns in this respect.

the second is moral responsibility:

If anything did go wrong how would I feel? I would carry the guilt with me till I died. It is an awesome responsibility - one I actually hate - but it is my lot and I do my best